My four closest friends are girls I’ve known since I was fourteen. I wish I could say that it’s due to the strength of our bond, that friendship longevity but really, it’s because beyond everything else we have in common, something rings through – we are not good at making friends.
None of us. It’s not a coincidence we’ve stuck with the group of pals we had in high school – for separate reasons, each of us is incapable of making friends. Have been forever, and it’s a problem that only compounds itself as we approach adulthood, and the act of forming friendships becomes exponentially more difficult.
How do you make friends as an adult?
Not a pseudo-thoughtful question. Seriously, who has a step-by-step?
This is what I’m going off.
Step 1. Be an interesting, well-rounded person with a range of hobbies and interests, collectively affording countless networking (mouth vom) and general meeting-people opportunities. Bonus: you have at least one common thing to talk about!
Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending if you look at the mouth-vom situation), I’ve never been in that position. Despite my fondness for formal education, I have for many years resisted learning that forces me to interact with other people, even going to far as to elect to do group assignments solo, lest that 50% less work not be worth the hour spent with a stranger.
Step 2. Be an outgoing, enthusiastic and (importantly) proactive person who seeks out every opportunity to make a new friend.
I can do this one. I’m chatty; I can laugh; I know how to talk a little bit about most things. I’d be fine with this, if it wasn’t for the critical point that by my own nature, I haven necessarily limited myself from the very vast majority of opportunities that would cause me to meet a new person to whom I could talk. I’m chatty, but only with those four friends of mine – see above re group assignment. See hobbies inc solo rapping in my car. See entire childhood re isolated imaginative play (Mum thought I was a genius. Lolol nup sorry just awkward right from the start).
Step 3. See your new friend.
What I think I say: “Coffee next week?”
What I actually say: “Oh um like so do you want to get coffee or like come to my house oh ok yep coffee that sounds cool … I don’t know any places so you pick oh yeah cool love that place it’s my fave! Oh yeah I mean see you there good right o friendy-bud.”
What I think: “How long will it go for? I can drink a coffee in like, five minutes. Do we just sit there after? What if I need to pee? When will I pee? How will I know when it’s time to leave? When I need to pee?”
But, of course, this has happened maybe once so no sweat, not an issue.
Step 4. Congratulate yourself on your maturity, your refined social skills, your poise, and revel in your new-found lasting friendship. Graduate at last from socially crippled teenager to sophisticated young lady, and commence adulthood.
Still waiting on this. But, you know, I’ve made my first tentative step towards adulthood. I have a lunch lined up for Monday – lunch with a girl I’m certain I could be friends with if I got over myself. I’ll figure out when to pee, I’ll have lunch, and perhaps, in time, I’ll finally make a new friend.
sophie says 